I got asked today if I miss him.
That's like asking me if I miss feeling worthless.
I miss the old him, and a part of me is clinging on in hopes that he'll come back. Not so that we can be together, but so that we can be friends. The way it's going I don't think we'll ever be anything other than hostile.
I resent him for what he did to me - everything he did to me. And I think on some level he must feel guilty. That's the only explanation I can think of for him still acting out even after it's been done for 4 months.
4 months. It doesn't feel that long. It's all a blur of co-codemol and diclofenic. April flew into May and before I know where I am it's the end of August and I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.
Well, until I see him. Especially if he's with her. And then I resort back to the crazy - not completely crazy - god forbid I show my emotions to my mother.
I don't know what I want.
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