Turns out, to an extent, they are indeed all the same.
Matthew Conlon. Our relationship was a whirlwind of work-related drama and fighting to fit in time for each other. When we did find that time he was attentive, and adoring and loving. Though when the 'L word' was uttered I panicked and couldn't return it, entirely through fear, you must understand, not because I didn't feel the same.
I told him I loved him, after giving myself a kick up the ass to stop being so scared, we slept together and I was settled, ready for a long term thing.
Then the shit-storm that is his former employers screwed him over and his life became one teaming mass of lawyers and meetings and trying to ensure a future for himself. He told me he'd smoked with Luke, and then I knew things weren't going to last much longer.
And I was right, (I always am) about a month later he gives me the line 'I can't explain it, I just need to be myself right now'. Not 'be by myself', just 'be myself'. For the last month, every friday night I've had the usual drunken text, but now he's telling me it's not just drink he's having. He's confessed he thinks he has a problem and he broke up with to spare my feelings cause he knows I don't like that shit, but isn't texting me his worries etc the total opposite of that? I'm worried about him, when all I want to do is move on.
But until all that is resolved, I've been focusing on getting my body back, since Christmas, I've put on nearly a stone and quite frankly I needed to do something about it. It's going well, I'm not starving all the time anymore, and after weighing myself for the first time this morning, I'm elated to have lost 2lb over the weekend. I need to keep this up, it should be easier as now I'm starting to see results I'm actually motivated to ignore crisps, the like of which have been my downfall for too long!
Until next time.
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